I've found it increasingly difficult to sit down and write.  Our country has become deeply acquainted with grief once more.  Our hearts break over the horror of the shootings, the trauma of Hurricane Sandy, and the desperation of hurting friends.  I struggle to stuff the broken pieces of my heart into words.  Perhaps you do, as well.
 
In a world of unrest, uncertainty, pain, and even evil, we can look to the Source of our help and our security.  There is strength found in the Babe in the manger who arose as Savior and King Eternal. 
          In Jesus, we find:
                   The Light who shines in blackest times
                             The Comfort who cradles our piercing grief
                                      The Hope who slices through paralyzing fear
                                                The Peace who carries our heaviest burdens
          He is Immanuel, God with us. 
 
Though we hurt, though we have questions, though we cannot understand, we are not alone.  He is here.  He is with us.  He loves us.  He is in ultimate control.  Though it is dark and I cannot see, I’m choosing to hold His hand and trust Him.  It helps.  

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Copyright 2012 The Word Weaver, Deb Weaver

Photo Credit:  2012, April Ragsdale, South Carolina, Used with permission.

Limbs set afire,
Cascading sparks of color
Scattered in the wind.

Out of death's ashes,
Breathtaking beauty
Ignited before us.

Holy mystery ablaze,
Illuminating divine glory
Displayed on earth.


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Copyright 2012, The Word Weaver, Deb Weaver

After years of experiencing this phenomenon, my daughter, Ali, and I finally figured it out.  We realized that when I volunteer, my alter ego, "Psycho Wonder Weaver," swoops in.

She pronounces statements like these:

    "Oh, no problem.  That won't take long to do."

Did I mention that she's a pathological liar?  It always, ALWAYS takes d-a-y-s longer than she anticipates.

    "Sure, I'll do that.  What else can I help you with?"

Could someone get this overachiever to shut up?!?  Please.

    "I'll take care of the treetops.  But...you know, if we only paint them, they'll look flat.  I've got an idea to make them look more 3-dimensional.  I could hot glue individual leaves onto the board."

You've caught onto the fact that she's completely psycho, right?  Hot glue individual leaves? Certifiably crazy!

Psycho Wonder Weaver is optimistic, enthusiastic, and creative.  I hate her. And I've got the hot glue burns to prove it.  

She's also a master magician.  You see, she does this incredible disappearing act when it's time to do the actual work.  

Gone.  Missing-in-action.  Vanished.

Don't ask me where she goes.  She's probably taking a nap.  And yes, I'm jealous.

You see, left in her wake is me.  Little ol' me. Plain ol' me.  Getting-older-every-minute me.  The one with the deer-in-the-headlights-on-Highway-I-85 look.  The one who's overwhelmed, exhausted, and close to tears.  The one who posts on Facebook:  "You know that moment when the sinking feeling you've had all afternoon finally sinks in?  Yeah this is that moment.  Brought to you by 'Bit Off More Than I Can Chew' and 'It's Going to Be a Long Night.' "

A sweet friend, September, cautioned me.  She said, "People will understand and will still love you if you say you can't help sometimes."  It's wise advice to a people-pleaser like me.  I need the perspective of good friends to watch out for me and to help me set boundaries.

It's important to periodically evaluate life's offerings.  To make sure that my motives are pure.  That the timing is right for this period.  That I'm still called to a particular activity.

Some things are only for a season--to prolong them (just because I've always done them or because I want to make someone else happy) is ineffective and draining.  I've dropped certain activities over the years.  I no longer write a weekly newspaper column, teach AWANA, teach a Sunday School class, or sit in the nursery.  Though they're important tasks, there's only so much time and energy.  

My passions lie in studying God's Word and praying, in writing, in weekly leading a small group of gals (pictured above), and in volunteering in children's activities like Christian Youth Theater (CYT, pictured below) or Vacation Bible School (VBS).

Even when the projects are whittled down to those I'm most passionate about, I bite off waaaayy more than I can chew.  And in the middle of the project, often in the middle of the night, I curse that demented woman!   

But having spent the past couple of weeks with other undercover superheroes, I remember that I am not alone. I was surrounded by incredible men, women, and children who banded together for a common purpose.  They gave of themselves and did things that were far beyond their own abilities to accomplish.  Amazing things happened.  

So I've started to thank God for that overachieving alter-ego of mine.  By immersing me in projects that completely swamp and consume me, she's really doing me a favor.  Though Psycho Wonder Weaver may get me into messes, Jesus has always~and will always~see me through them.

When what I'm doing is beyond me--far past my ability to accomplish--that's when I depend most upon the Lord.  And when I rely upon Him, I can't take the credit.  It's He who strengthens me.  It's He who empowers me.  When I live in Him, through Him, and for Him, the credit and the glory go to God.  

So Psycho Wonder Weaver is welcome back anytime.  I just hope she waits till I'm a little more rested.