The Word Weaver
Inviting you to know & embrace Jesus Christ
Deb Weaver
Despite My Fearful What Ifs, My Prayer Is: Surrender
by The Word Weaver, Deb on January 4th, 2018

Series of blog posts,, that focus on prayer.

Despite My Fearful What-Ifs, My Prayer Is: Surrender

​I write things in my journal that I wouldn’t dare say anywhere else.  Thoughts and feelings that hide within my unconscious tumble out in this regular, rambling conversation with the Lord. 

If you were reading it, you might drag yourself through mundane details of my day-to-day experiences, thinking that I’m the most boring, timid, whiny person on earth.  And then, suddenly, you’d stumble into a vast puddle of passionate, messy guts spilled onto the page.  You’d wade through the real stuff of life and follow along as I work it out with God.  Then you’d go back to boring.  That’s okay.  It’s not for you that I’m keeping it.

This journal shapes me, and it’s why I continue to write in it every day.  It helps me to know my heart.  In it, I:  
  • express gratitude
  • explore truth
  • find patterns
  • finger painful wounds
  • address sin or selfishness
  • ask questions. 

The number-one, oft-repeated question I pose in these pages is:  

What if . . . ?

​Some people ask this question with an ignited imagination.  Perhaps you are one such beautiful soul.  Perhaps you fling open the doors of possibility pondering, What if?, as you leap through the threshold with wonder, delight, and curiosity.  Perhaps you explore life in the spacious place between what-if and what-could-be.

I stand in amazement and awe.  I applaud you.  Some of my favorite writers, artists, and friends create life in that curious space. 

But that is a foreign land to me. 

My what-ifs are not lighthearted, playful, or curious queries. No, they emerge from the barricaded door of the dark, dank, disturbing basement.  These rotten rats scurry up the water pipes, squeeze through the crack at the bottom of the door, and slither up my spine, before settling into my shadowy thoughts. 

From there, they periodically get deposited into my journal.  Thankfully. 

My honest cries of confession pour across the page before God.  He crouches down with me, pries my fingers from over my eyes, and shines His grace and truth over the darkened corners of my cell. 

His perfect, radiant love casts out my worries and fears, one by one, over and over. 

Slowly and repeatedly, His truth rescues and releases me from strongholds that incarcerate my mind and that inhibit my feet from following Him.  

Last week, I recorded my insecurities about writing once more.  It’s a recurring theme. Here’s a peek:
  • I don’t know what to say, where to start.  What if writing a book is too big for me?
  • I know that, on my own, my words fall flat.  What if you do not ignite them?
  • What if I can’t write?  What if my thoughts mysteriously vanish?  What if I’m not organized enough?
  • What if I’m too lazy or overwhelmed or busy to stay with it? I start and abandon so many things.  What if this just adds to the pile?
  • What if I have nothing significant to say?
  • What if I get it all wrong?  What if my words cause more harm than good?
  • What if I fail?  What if it never gets published?  Or worse, what if no one reads it?
  • What if my perspective doesn’t matter?

In the hallowed hush that followed my honesty, He calmed me.
I sensed what may be His direction, “Do it for Me. Surrender your expectations, fears, and what-ifs.  Stop looking at anyone, anything but Me.

Surrender to Me.  Trust Me.  That is success.

Write regardless of:  where this takes you, how hard it is, or how inadequate you feel.  Whether or not it’s published.  Write.

Write because I’ve created you to:  express your soul through your love of language, connect and communicate with others who wrestle with faith, and point people to Me.

Write because it gives you and Me pleasure.

Write because it makes you desperate for Me.

Do it for Me. Through Me. With Me.  In Me. 

We do it together, one surrendered day, one surrendered page at a time.”

It's a process of trust:

​Last week, this journal of our journey together dealt with my writing fears.  Yesterday it was about my pride and bitter feelings.  Tomorrow it will be about something else. 

Every day He asks me to surrender.  Not just my fears or dreams.  All of me.  Wholly His.  His holy. 

Surrender is the means for abiding in Him.  
Abiding requires my surrender/blog post
​Ann Voskamp expresses it this way:
Ann Voskamp Quote:  Surrendered yes holds space for God/blog post
​My surrendered yes includes sitting down and writing despite my fears and insecurities.  My surrendered yes creates a space for God and for the way that He works in me.

Your surrendered yes creates a space for God and for the way that He works in you.

In this space of surrender, we discover that all is well with our souls. We remember that He is good, He is enough, and He is able.

Surrender is a sacred space of response to our Holy God.  It creates an avenue for God to do life-transformative miracles in us, through us.  

Let's Pray:

​Heavenly Father,

You are holy and Almighty.  There is no other God than You.  We bow before You.  Speak to us personally.  May we hear Your voice and respond aright.

What is it that You are calling us to surrender? 

What is not in alignment with Your ways and Your Word? 

Show us our sin and arrogant reliance upon ourselves.   Reveal our fears. Pinpoint our unbelief.  Underscore our selfishness.  Bring us to complete honesty by Your Spirit. 

Oh, Father, may we offer our whole lives as an offering before You.  May we surrender to the glorious flames of Your consuming Presence, Promises, Purity, Power, and Purposes.  Refine us and reshape us into the image of Your Son.    

When we wrestle with Your Word, Your way, or Your will, enable us to see that surrender is much less about losing something and far more about gaining freedom and joy. 

With our minds fixed upon You, our hearts rooted in Your love, and feet standing in Your truth, may we take the next step.  Stir us to surrender, Lord.

For Your glory and Your purposes, for You alone are worthy.

We lay these requests before You in the Name of Your precious Son and our Savior, Jesus Christ,

Connecting threads/Readers of blog share heart-to-heart

Questions to Consider:

​What might God be asking you to surrender? 

How may I pray for you to do so?
Related  prayer posts from The Word Weaver blog:
Encouragement for Those Who Hesitate to Ask God
Allowing God to Quench Our Thirst
Grasping Love

Related resources I recommend:
The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

​Click on the following quotes from this post to easily tweet and share with your friends on Twitter:

Posted in Prayer Focus    Tagged with Prayer, Surrender, Journaling, Fear


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