The Word Weaver
Deb Weaver ~ Communicating God's love, grace, & truth
"Motherhood Moments"
by The Word Weaver, Deb on May 15th, 2012

My precious Mom, Betty Jane Morris Anderson, March 5, 1929 ~ July 28, 2011
 
My Mom passed away last July.  You cannot imagine this cavernous loss unless you've experienced it.  I've grieved the deaths of grandparents and in-laws; I even work in the funeral business, and yet losing my mother rocked me deeply.  I'm still learning what 'being motherless' means.  

One thing I've discovered is that there are emotional potholes in unexpected places.  A scent, a sight, a memory ~they all hold power to bring her to mind and cause tears to follow.  Milestones dates are also tricky roadblocks.  There appear to be no detours around them.  

Before my Mom's birthday this year, I'd anticipated it being a tough day for my Dad.  I'd rallied nieces and nephews to call or send a card to their Grandpa.  I was so busy feeling for Dad that I didn't prepare for her birthday to derail me.  That morning in early March, I awoke in melancholy tears that continued all day.  I keenly missed her.  

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day when I could not speak with my Mom.  In the weeks preceding the actual holiday, warnings were everywhere.  

Every commercial (darn those Hallmark moments!)  

Every schmaltzy movie.  

Every unguarded moment.  

Every peek at my calendar.  

Every approaching moment felt like a police blockade complete with lights and sirens frightening me away from May 13, 2012.  

Thankfully, though it was a tender, tearful occasion, the actual day was easier than I anticipated.  
Though the photo is overexposed with sunlight, I adore how luminescent and timeless Mom looks in it.  Taken in Southgate, MI in the early-to-mid-1960's.  

As I wrote a letter to my Mom in a journal Sunday afternoon, I beheld these iridescent memories of her:
 
  • Sitting in her lap as she read stories to my younger brother and me.
  • Playing with her.  She made time for us.  She enjoyed us.  We four, along with our Dad, were her world.  
  • Celebrations made special whether it was homemade Halloween costumes or handmade Barbie clothes (I did have the best-dressed doll in the neighborhood!) or placemats she made for each classroom party as the room mother or the cakes she decorated for our birthdays.
  • Going out to chat over lunch or donuts.  "Quality time" was one of my Mom's love languages, one that I share.
  • The many times she listened, dried my tears, and buoyed my spirits.  She lavished her attention, listening, acceptance, and compassion upon my siblings and me.
  • Leading our Girl Scout and Boy Scout troops.  Being a Mom who welcomed the neighborhood kids (even if it meant tracking up the floor with repeated trips to the bathroom in all seasons!)
  • The example set by her determined spirit. Though paralyzed by a stroke in 1978, she often demonstrated her favorite, oft-repeated phrase, "There's no such thing as 'can't.'  It's spelled 'can try'." 
  • Her delight over her grandchildren.
  • The gift of our final week together.  Early one morning, a nurse peeked into our Comfort Care suite to check on us.  Mom smiled and said, "We're having a girls' night.  We're talking."  My heart holds inexpressible gratitude for the opportunity to sit with her as she traveled her last few miles toward Heaven.
Mom playing with my older sister, Cindy.  Taken around 1959 or 1960.
 
One of the things I'm learning from being motherless is just how important this position is.  Moms matter.  Whether our kids act like they need us or not.  What we do is essential.  Even when our efforts aren't noticed or appreciated.  We are needed.  Even when our kids are nearly grown.  Though our roles change, the calling is eternally paramount.  Our children ~ no matter their ages ~ need us, our acceptance, our love, our time, our encouragement, and our prayers.

So, this first Mother's Day without my Mom, I also treasured my own children in a heightened manner.  We relished time together.  Laughing.  Smiling.  Eating.  Teasing.  Oh, and did I mention soundly beating them both in Upwords?  

(For the sake of transparency, you should understand that when I say "soundly beating" I mean "barely squeaking by.")
The Tilt-a-Whirl with my kids, A.J., 17, and Ali, 22, at the Anderson County Fair, SC, May 2012.
 
This savoring of moments is something I try to do every day, not just on milestone celebrations.  Recent treasures that I'm cradling close:
  • Making my kids erupt in laughter ON PURPOSE. (There's plenty of the other kind too.)
  • My adult daughter's excited chatter through a closed bathroom door (once something that made me feel hounded when the kids were toddlers is now this rare and cherished gift.)
  • Praying God's Word over my children's lives and being reminded that our Heavenly Father is faithful.
  • Being invited to the county fair by my nearly grown kids and hearing one of them say to the other, "The best part about the Tilt-a-Whirl was riding it with Mom and hearing her laugh."
  • Neighborhood walks with my tall, teenage boy when he shares his thoughts, his activities, and his heart with me.
  • The hopeful, delighted looks on their faces as they present the cards chosen especially for me.  My tears as I open and clasp the cardstock gems to my bursting heart.
  • Family dinners where the richest, most decadent and filling course is our laughter and enjoyment of one another.
Time is a rising mist.  Though moments evaporate, the memories remain.  I'd love to hear your special memories.  What are you treasuring in your heart today?

##
Copyright 2012, The Word Weaver, Deb Weaver


Posted in Life Transitions, Sacred Moments, This Parenting Gig    Tagged with Motherhood, Memories, Gratitude, Celebrations, Mindfulness


10 Comments

Staci - May 15th, 2012 at 8:12 PM
love you Aunt Deb! :)
The Word Weaver, Deb - May 16th, 2012 at 6:24 AM
Staci, I love you too! (((HUGS))) Miss you!

Larry - May 15th, 2012 at 8:20 PM
I agree Sis. It was different this year, but it was the first one for decades where she was no longer hurting.
The Word Weaver, Deb - May 16th, 2012 at 6:24 AM
Yes, her being whole and pain-free is a true blessing.
Jess - May 15th, 2012 at 10:25 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, but feel so blessed by your sharing your mom with us and what you have gained in your pain. Thank you.

I have lost both grandmas and know all too well how much i miss them, the idea of my mother no longer being with me is unbearable.



Here via Trina's blog, All that is Good.
The Word Weaver, Deb - May 16th, 2012 at 6:26 AM
Welcome, Jess! Thanks for stopping by and for commenting. I'm grateful that the presence of God comforts us when our pain is so great. I appreciate the condolences.
Phyllis Sather - May 26th, 2012 at 7:06 PM
I still feel this way about my mother-in-law. I know...there are a lot of mother-in-law stories out there, but I was blessed with one of the truly great ones. My own mother was already dead when I married and I felt like I got a new one.
The Word Weaver, Deb - May 26th, 2012 at 8:55 PM
How wonderful that God provided another Mom in your mother-in-law! Thanks for reading, Phyllis.
Linda Getty - August 14th, 2012 at 8:12 AM
Well Deb....this writing has truly touch my heart. Im going through difficult times now w my parents and my mom seems to be slipping away w signs of dimentia. Thank you for sharing your heart about your mom....I think God has used it in my heart this morning.
The Word Weaver, Deb - August 14th, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Oh, Linda, I am sorry to hear this about your mom. May Jesus wrap you in His comfort, love, strength, and peace as you walk this journey with her.
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